I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize