Whod you bang
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
i've created a new STD.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize