she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
