If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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