my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
