at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
