im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize