how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
