Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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