You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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