sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
