Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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