I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
