So drunk its hurt
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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