Where are you?
In a non slutty way
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
