At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
