I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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