Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
