I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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