you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
NoShamevember. You game?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
