I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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