THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
