I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We talked him into tasing himself.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
