Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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