Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
