Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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