Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
