I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
