THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
