VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
