dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
