I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
