Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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