i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Dicks are not precious.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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