That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
