p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
