There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
