Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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