In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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