So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
