I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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