this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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