it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
