3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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