I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Randomize
