i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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