Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
