lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
