i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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