I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
