Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
