I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
