I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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