Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
