You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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