we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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