I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Randomize
