if i died would you start the facebook group?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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