Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
