he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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