Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
