Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize