I just threw up on my dentist
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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