the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
