I puked a lego.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
