why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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