Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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