dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
