So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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