So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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