Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize