all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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