Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
