Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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