talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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