Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize