I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
There r osticjed everywhere
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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