Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
